yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
