1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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