Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
