I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
