Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize