I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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