I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
