At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
