You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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