I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
