No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
