First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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