I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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