Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
