I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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