oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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