How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
