whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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