O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
