I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
