She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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