Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
