Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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