do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
