Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
