like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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