my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
