I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
