woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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