5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
