Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize