i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If I die, sorry about rent.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
