you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We had to coat check the pizza.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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