All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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