Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
