I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
