If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
