That's when you crack a 10am beer
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
