I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
