too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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