I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
