she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
