So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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