im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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