I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize