I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
