I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
