im holly from the hills drunk
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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