You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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