On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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