She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
