Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
