is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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