How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Pooping to opera.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
