Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
