one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
