How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
