WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
