I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize