I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
