dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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