I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
