He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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