I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
