i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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