He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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