Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
